Week 23 – Pain-t

To quote Bad Boys, ‘Shit just got real!’

Okay, it was real weeks ago, but things are now happening.

I’m buying and painting stuff.  It’s that serious!

As stated in a previous post, I have bought a new set of wheels, and I must admit I am quite pleased with the purchase.

But again, the painting has started too.  (Note that painting has the word ‘pain’ nestled in it.  It hurts on many levels).

This to me means the arrival is on track and isn’t too far off.

You can generally tell this because I’m one of these people who tend to leave things to the last moment.  Literally.

I was half way through painting the bathroom when Sophie decided to ‘pop out’.

I’ve still not finished it, ahem.

I’m determined though, this time, to at least have the furniture and bedrooms all sorted before it becomes too late.  This means a complete sort out of the house.  It’s been coming, I mean, it’s needed a sort out since we moved in about five years ago.

I’ve been busy…



Anyway, on the baby front, it appears to be progressing.  I mean, the kicking is getting stronger and you can even see the wobble when it happens!

I don’t know what size it is anymore, probably about ……… the size of some sort of melon?!  You’re guess is as good as mine.


The Detectives – TV

Jasper Carrott and Robert Powell play the bumbling detective constables Bob Louis and David Briggs. They were hopeless at their job, to the despair of their “super” Frank Cottam (played by Sewell). However, they usually ended up solving their cases and retaining their jobs, though they came close to being fired on occasion. Louis was more downbeat, whereas Briggs tried to emulate the gung-ho cops shown on TV and in film. (wikipedia)

I’m a huge fan of Jasper Carrott and have been for a while (starting ‘coz my old man has a passing resemblence!) and I love this series.

The acting is tremendous, Jasper has a ‘Mr Bean’ quality about him, being tall and silly not the ‘backwards’ feel, and Robert brings the serious acting due to him being a classicly trained thespian.

It’s not groundbreaking or mainstream, but if you do enjoy good honest British comedy from the ’90s, this is definitely worth a watch.

50 Shades of Pink

Why is painting such a pain the ……….. rear?

On Saturday I painted what will be Sophie’s room.  It’s going to be a lovely pink colour.

It was supposed to be a light pastel pink.  It’s not.  It’s a dark pink.  But still acceptable.  I mean, it’s not Barbie pink or shocking pink at least.

But why is it that you never have enough paint.  I thought I bought enough to do it properly but no, turns out I need a couple more tins of the stuff.

So, what’s the matter, I hear you say?

Well, I don’t know if you recall me saying this but, I can’t drive.  The nearest shops are a 30 minute drive away.  The place I got the paint from is a further 30 minutes.

Now, that’s an hour’s drive. 

That would be one hell of a walk!

Now I have to buy it online and wait for it to be delivered.  Next week.

Do you know how long it took me to build up the motivation to even start this project?!  Lord knows how long it’s going to take me now……

New set of wheels

This week we begun the preparations.

Well, technically we started ages ago but it’s just not going very quickly.

But now we have physical proof and not just the repetitive, ‘yeah I’ll do it tomorrow’.

We have bought a new travel system.  A fresh set of wheels for the upcoming baby! Now, before you start saying that it’s bad luck, like some of you were thinking, it is also going to be used for Sophie as well so that should knock any superstitions sideways.

I remember last time that it didn’t take us too long last time to choose a model.  Basically, we picked the cheapest and sturdiest looking.

This time however, we are lucky enough to have a little bit more money put by to spend.

There are so many!  Big wheels, three wheels, with car seat, without car seat, lasts nine years, lasts four years, and so on.

After a good month or two, we have settled on one.

A Graco Quattro Tour Deluxe.  Or something.

We had it delivered the other day.  A remarkably small box for the gargantuan that came out of it.

It’s a Toys R Us special so is adorned with their ‘I Love My Bear’ iconography.

It’s a lot bigger than the last one.

Putting it together was fairly straight forward too, apart from the fact I have to take the wheels back off and put them on again properly.  It wasn’t my fault.  It was late and the wife was going on  and on in my lug hole!

Anyway, as the main pusher of prams, I can’t wait to actually get it out on the road and see how good it is.  It certainly seemed to be easy enough to push around the living room (although I didn’t see Mickey Mouse when I ran over him).

By the way, this isn’t a product review or anything.  Just telling you what’s going on, keeping it real.

In that respect, I may have to ‘Pimp My Pram’….


Ouch! Mind my toes….

Pedestrians beware!  Sophie is mobile!

Yep, gone are the days where you can sit on the sofa and just casually leave your feet out for a good ‘airing’.

No more open toed sandals for casual visitors.

In a move originally depicted as a ‘good load of fun’, we have purchased and given her a scooter.

Fairly innocuous, you’d say?  That’s what I thought.

There’s not a day goes by now where my ankles are not involved in a road traffic collision.

And as for the furniture, well, the original thought of being able to keep it for many years has now gone out of the window.  They’re covered in tyre marks, scrapes, all sorts.

Luckily, for now, we have had / got some good weather so the front room as a whole breathes a sigh of relief.

The carpet is counting it’s blessings for the break as it is starting to resemble a ploughed field from the tread of the tyres.

Yes, I’m moaning.  I can’t help it, my toe hurts.

I suppose though, the main thing is that Sophie absolutely loves it.

Suppliers of plasters and ankle strapping rejoice.



Oh yes, the time has arrived.

Evolution dictates that this day would inevitably come.

The time when the child, my daughter in this case, unequivocally mutates from a baby or toddler into a ‘mini adult’.  

All part of the process of growing up I hear you say?  Meh.

Do you know how I can tell that this milestone in her childhood has indeed bounded through the front door of my own house?

She’s now got to the stage where she can verbalise perfectly enough to engage in conflict.  Yes, she has started arguing with Daddy.




Is this a woman thing, can I ask?  Are you really programmed to learn to argue before you are fully toilet trained and trusted to walk through a town centre unattached?

I’m baffled.  I don’t quite know how to handle this situation either.  If it is human, sorry, woman nature, then there’s no way that I control or even reduce the need to ‘backchat’.

Do I just admit defeat from the beginning?

Fair enough, every argument she tries to engage in or start is quickly dissolved, because daddy has a louder voice.

But she’s two.

She won’t be two forever.

Oh, Jesus.

I’m doomed.

They’ll never get caught. They’re on a mission from God.

Blues Brothers (1980)

Yes, I know this film was made two years before I was born, but I am a sucker for the classics.  And this film sits high on the top, soaring above all others.

You can probably tell that this is my favourite film of all time.  No exception.

The incredible casting is out of this world and showcases the awesome talents of John belushi and Dan Aykroyd.

Ok, some of you may not have seen this film (shame on you!), here’s a quick overview:

After the release of Jake Blues from prison, he and brother Elwood go to visit “The Penguin”, the last of the nuns who raised them in a boarding school. They learn the Archdiocese will stop supporting the school and will sell the place to the Education Authority. The only way to keep the place open is if the $5000 tax on the property is paid within 11 days. The Blues Brothers want to help, and decide to put their blues band back together and raise the the money by staging a big gig. As they set off on their “mission from God” they seem to make more enemies along the way. Will they manage to come up with the money in time? (IMDb)

Now if that doesn’t get you out of chair and make your way to the video shop (old school!), nothing will!

Full of great musical numbers, comedy performances and dance routines, this ticks every box for a true comedy fan.

Why not read my Essential List on films.

An Ode to Dora

So tell me this
Since you know it all
Why are you so annoying?
Why do you make my skin crawl?

Don’t you understand?
Can you say this two ways?
Fuck off and leave my screen
Go and learn Francais…

I’m sick of you
And all you’re little friends
Helping people and animals
Oh god, when will it end?

And how come
By the way
You’re allowed out
At all times of the day?

What are your parents doing?
Letting you roam round the jungle
The beach or the river
They don’t even moan or mumble

I would do my fucking nut
Wandering off, not saying where
You would be grounded for life
Don’t you dare say that’s not fair!

With all the danger in this world
You can not go out alone
Especially when none of your clothes fit
You, my girl, are staying at home

How you get out without us seeing
Well, it’s a mystery
And no, you can’t have visitors
I’ve never liked that monkey… 

If you carry on, the way you’re going
You’ll end up on the streets or in a van
It won’t be with your friends
But with a dirty old pervert called Stan

Trust me; it’s for your own good
As I really can’t take no more
Who do you think you are?
Some sort of fucking explorer?

Check out my other poems.

It’s just a figure of speech…

Hey there people.

Just a quickie, I have put up another page with some funny sayings on.  It’s just a bit of fun and they made me chuckle, so thought I would share them.  I’ll put more up as and when I come across them.

Feel free to suggest some and I’ll add them on if they make me laugh.

Check it out!  Ta.