Well, it would appear that the British Spring has arrived. No more ice and snow.
Until next week that is, but obviously there are only a few actions you must follow when the sun comes out.
If you’re female you must dust off the most revealing and uninspiring wardrobe collection, find the most intrusive of these garments and parade around town in them.
You think you look like Kate Moss or Cheryl Cole. We think you look like a deformed pastry product or Miss Piggy.
But that’s ok, its your choice.
Men, yes I haven’t forgotten you. You must wear the same clothes as you normally would, maybe change the jeans for the 3/4 length combats and add a nice shirt or t-shirt. Hang on, no this is nice weather so change the t-shirt for a really old, beer stained England Football shirt or if you fancy wearing a proper shirt, don’t do it up. Hang loose.
Oh, and a must for the older gent, remember to leave your socks on with those sandals. Looking good.
There you go England, you are ready for the sunny weather. Don’t worry about sun cream or anything, just keep drinking the chilled beer, does the same job.
One word of caution though, for the mums-to-be out there. You MUST make sure that when out and about cover up none of your bump. Yeah, that’s right, wear your mini skirt and boob tube, but just let your belly hang out for all to see. We all love the sight of new life being harvested before the wonders of childbirth. There are those that may be offended by the sight of your stretch marks and they may wish you a hideously, painful labour, but they are in the minority. Maybe.
I think that’s everybody covered. Nope, I forgot the old dears among you; just keep your coats on loves. Never had sun during the war did you? Bless.
And I’ll finish with a tip for the larger man; wear light coloured or well ventilated tops. Nothing is more unsightly than sweat patches. Same goes for your trousers too.
I hope you enjoy these pleasant days before England changes its mind and decides to let the snow run the show once more.