I hate Mondays….

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Work sucks.

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Dear Baldy…

Now, this is a serious question.

I don’t want any sniggers, derisory laughter or pointing.  Understand?

Right, to all the baldy people (or anybody with an opinion), at which stage of the showering or general bathing procedure, do you admit to not needing shampoo anymore?

……

Look, see, I told you, stop laughing!!  This is a perfectly serious question…….

I can admit that the follicles on my head have all decided to take a permanent holiday and are leaving one by one, but in an attempt to keep them a bit longer, I shave my head so as to delay them.  Like hiding their shoes or chopping their feet off….

Anyway, what is the purpose of shampoo to that of a balding gentleman?  Can I not just switch to using shower gel instead?  Surely that’s the same affect?  I don’t know, hence why I ask.

To all you that chuckled, beware.  Baldness can happen to anybody, it could even affect someone in your family.  It’s perfectly natural and part of growing up.

And besides, it can be fun to slap some people….

Miley Cyrus Bald

Bottom

What, wait, you don’t know what Bottom is??! Where have you been, living in a cave?!

Bottom is a fantastically funny BBC sitcom that was on the TV in the 90s. Starring Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall as two housemates sharing a flat in the wonderful area of London that is Hammersmith.

Eddie and Richie are two crude, perverted lunatics, with no jobs, very little money and only a filthy flat in Hammersmith (located at “11, Mafeking Parade”) to their name. The two spend their time coming up with desperate schemes to acquire sex, attacking each other violently, and getting into dodgy situations.

Bottom is considered the most violent example of britcom, examples of violence include teeth being knocked out, heads crushed in fridge doors, fingers being cut off, penises set on fire, legs being chainsawed off, forks shoved in eyes, pencils forced up noses, poison being drunk, legs broken and faces shoved in campfires.

Richie is a clumsy, pompous dimwit who attempts to make himself out as being much higher in social status than he actually is, and is both deranged and desperate, as well as being obsessed with sex. Eddie, a cheerfully violent drunkard, meanwhile spends his time getting drunk and wasting the dole money and secretly steals Richie’s family heirloom, although he occasionally has moments of demented genius. Eddie’s friends—the gormless Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog—both fear Richie, thinking he’s psychotic. Although the pair sometimes venture out (the most common location being the local pub, the Lamb and Flag), many of the episodes are set simply within the confines of the pair’s squalid flat.

The slapstick humour is a particular forte with Rik and Ade, bringing their experience from The Young Ones and the Dangerous Brothers forward expertly.

There were three series aired on television and they took the show on numerous tours around the country, I believe there were five.

This show is a must for any comedy enthusiast. The humour is somewhat 90s but still laugh out loud quality.

Watch it!

Bottom

England in Sunny Weather: A Disgusting Sight.

Well, it would appear that the British Spring has arrived.  No more ice and snow.

Until next week that is, but obviously there are only a few actions you must follow when the sun comes out. 

If you’re female you must dust off the most revealing and uninspiring wardrobe collection,  find the most intrusive of these garments and parade around town in them.

You think you look like Kate Moss or Cheryl Cole.  We think you look like a deformed pastry product or Miss Piggy.

But that’s ok, its your choice.

Men, yes I haven’t forgotten you.  You must wear the same clothes as you normally would, maybe change the jeans for the 3/4 length combats and add a nice shirt or t-shirt.  Hang on, no this is nice weather so change the t-shirt for a really old, beer stained England Football shirt or if you fancy wearing a proper shirt, don’t do it up.  Hang loose.

Oh, and a must for the older gent, remember to leave your socks on with those sandals.  Looking good.

There you go England, you are ready for the sunny weather.  Don’t worry about sun cream or anything, just keep drinking the chilled beer, does the same job.

One word of caution though, for the mums-to-be out there.  You MUST make sure that when out and about cover up none of your bump.  Yeah, that’s right, wear your mini skirt and boob tube, but just let your belly hang out for all to see.  We all love the sight of new life being harvested before the wonders of childbirth.  There are those that may be offended by the sight of your stretch marks and they may wish you a hideously, painful labour, but they are in the minority.  Maybe.

I think that’s everybody covered.  Nope, I forgot the old dears among you; just keep your coats on loves.  Never had sun during the war did you?  Bless.

And I’ll finish with a tip for the larger man; wear light coloured or well ventilated tops.  Nothing is more unsightly than sweat patches.  Same goes for your trousers too.

I hope you enjoy these pleasant days before England changes its mind and decides to let the snow run the show once more.

Brits in the Sunny Weather

Oh, Peppa, maybe I’ll have to like you….

It is amazing.

Somewhere in the world Peppa Pig has done something extraordinary. 

Maybe she’s become Pope and I’ve not heard.  Maybe she’s pregnant.  Maybe she’s turned to crime.  Maybe she’s started using ‘recreational drugs’.

I don’t know, but she’s doing tremendous amounts for blog views.  I am happy to get ten or more views on any day.  But so far today alone, bearing in mind it’s half ten here, I’ve had over a hundred views and it all stems around this bloody pig.

What’s going on? 

It would be nice if people were interested in things I actually have to say, and not merely to pinch the picture from Google, but hey, it inflates my ego for a little while.

But still, I can’t change my mind.  I still don’t like the pink little source of bacon.

Peppa Pig Opinion