First of the year…

Hello Party People!!

Well, I hope all you people out there who enjoyed a tipple at New Year’s have successfully made it through the obligatory hangover!  Shame on you!  That’s called binge drinking, you know….

Anyway, I’m back and one of the resolutions this year is to be a bit more proactive on this blog, so if you have enjoyed reading my ramblings hopefully you’ll enjoy it a bit more.  If you haven’t liked it so far, best you block me on facebook and twitter, because the updates will be more frequent!  Time permitting of course.

Talking of resolutions, have you made any this year?  Do you plan on sticking to them?

I have included the essential ‘lose weight’ factor but that is one I actually intend to stick to, since the gratifying sense of achievement from last year.  You may recall that I might of mentioned I lost a bit?  Well, it made me proud, I managed to lose three and a half stone in six months and I want to keep that going.  I want to be thin again!  Well, ish…

Anyway, that’s me and I’m planning on sticking around so I hope you will join me again for another year. 

Happy New Year to all my followers and readers, old and new.  I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

J.

Happy New Year

Advertisements

A Little Help, Dear Readers…..

Just a quickie…

I am nearing the big 200 post mark and wondered whether I should do anything in particular to mark this momentous occasion?

Do you have any ideas as to what I should do?  Your thoughts would be appreciated.

I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long, infrequent as I am, and have managed to attract such a following.  I know a lot of people just come for my dry wit……………………. ahem, moving on.

I have contemplated giving up this blog in recent times, if only for the times I don’t post anything for long periods.  I don’t know, maybe I’ll reassess after the 200…..

What should I write about?  Should I just find a funny picture? 

Aaaaahhh the decisions!!

Wedding Fever. Gardening Sucks.

Look at that, I get to over a hundred followers and I go quiet.

{ tumbleweed }

Do you ever get that?  There’s so much rattling around in the old noggin’ but as soon as you sit in front of a computer – nothing.  Couldn’t think of anything to say.

Which is unusual really, since I have the ability to ramble on profusely.  Anyway.

This last weekend was a busy one.  We had a wedding to go to.  Ooooooooh.

I’m very much of a casual man myself, exceedingly happy in slobbing around in a pair of trackies and mangled old jumper, but every now and again the need to break out the old suit returns.

I do like wearing a suit.  I think I look quite good in a suit.  Others may not agree, but it’s about self confidence.  Large people can look good too!

Imagine an overweight Toadfish from neighbours in his best Men In Black get up.  That’s me.

However, wearing a suit on a particularly warm day is horrible.  Warm = understatement.

The day was nice, the wedding was sophisticated and the happy couple looked fantastic.  The ceremony was as good a wedding I have seen, luckily I only had to be in one photo (don’t like posing for photos, well, maybe under the right circumstances….) and the reception afterwards was good.  Food and music a perfect combination.

I am so happy for the couple.  I mean, I’ve been the brother-in-law now for six years and known them for about ten, so was well chuffed to finally see them get wed.  They are so suited to each other it’s sickening!  Well, good luck I say.  They already have a daughter but I reckon the next step is number two.  Why not….

Meanwhile, whilst I know all the attention should be on the bride and groom, my focus was on one of the flower girls, as it was my darling daughter.  She looked stunning.  So proud.

My Darling Flower Girl

Don’t she look pretty!  Quick, model agencies, sign her up before she eats all my chocolate!

Other than that, I’ve been gardening for the last four days, late into the night on a couple of occasions, and have tidied my shed.  It’s been a productive week really, until I get back into the office.  Then it all stops.

I don’t usually bother with the garden.  I’ve tried every year to make it better, but I get bored.  I can’t afford to spend loads on shrubs and water features, or even sort out the ant problem, but hey I try my best.

Then the rain comes and it all seems worth it.

Bugger.

Have I missed something?!

As you might have noticed, I don’t write as often as I should and even when I do, it’s not very intelligent.  But something weird has been happening.

The traffic to my humble little blog over the last week has extraordinarily increased.  Whilst I don’t understand or expect it to last, everybody seems to be looking at the same thing.

It’s not a recent post either.  Has Peppa Pig died or something, or has she become Pope?  A little post, maybe from last year, stating some reasons as to why I don’t like the pesky pig seems to be attracting some reaeders.

Whilst I fully understand that it is probably just people looking for pictures on Google, and not anybody seeking out my opinions, it just makes me wonder as to what she has done to suddenly warrant this kind of attention?

Is she in line for a role in the next Popedom?  Has she had the illegitimate love child of Postman Pat?  Is she going to be on the next series of Celebrity Big Brother?

I live in wonder.

What does he really carry in his sack?!

What does he really carry in his sack?!

On a different topic, I am still trying hard to write my book.  I have all the ideas in my head, ready to explode on to the page, but not the time in which to carry it out.

I work all day, get home and have something to eat, play with kids, put the kids to bed, and then by that time I’m too knackered to do anything but veg out in front of the TV and fall asleep.

Why do I find it difficult to plan my time?  There’s just too much other stuff that takes precedence over me sitting down and writing a silly story, I suppose.

Maybe it’s just not meant to be.  Perhaps it’s time to give up the fantasy of writing a book and focus on the real world.

I just need to grow up.

Notable absence

Once again I’m here to apologise, I have been neglecting my duties as a blogger.

What with the daughter’s birthday a couple of weeks ago and work commitments, I have been unable to get on and write to you, dear readers.

My work load has increased exponentially in the last couple of weeks and I have been so busy it’s ridiculous!  However, despite being hugely busy at work and at home, I have now decided to carry out a want of mine, that has been festering for some years.

I have always thought myself as somewhat proficient with the English language, compared to some people, and I also have a (partially) creative mind, so obviously I have always wanted to write a story.  I won’t say book because I doubt it will ever get that far, with me probably giving up halfway through, but I’m going to give it a go.

I have a basic outline of what the storyline will be and I have even thought about characters, so the foundations are there, I just need to get on with it.

The problem I have though is belief.  I write these things, poetry and the like, but don’t believe that they are any good or worth reading.  Don’t get me wrong, I am hugely appreciative of the few of you who have commented on my attempts at poetry, it is very kind.  I still don’t think anybody wants to read them!

With writing this story, I’m doing it for me, to see if I can actually create a complete writing project.  If anybody reads it and gains pleasure from it, that’s a bonus!

Anyway, enough with my fantasy world, I hope everybody is ok and I promise I will return shortly with something worth reading.

Thank you!

Wannabe Writer

Working from Home

Surely that’s enough
I’ve had all I can take
The last hour has been tough

The day had started well
But it has just dragged on and on
Everyone feels the same, I can tell

The filing has all been done
I’ve packed away my belongings
Now is the time that we were gone

Hoping the boss doesn’t see me sitting
Blatantly doing nothing
Looking at the job section, seems quite fitting

The clock appears to be slowing
Maybe it has stopped entirely
It must be time for us all to be going?

Wait for it…. Bang!  That’s it!
Five o’clock means it’s home time
Computer off, coat on, it’s time to flit

Key in the door, the week is complete
Forgot about work and deadlines
Head to the kitchen, find something to eat

Now, there’s nothing to do but sit and look
What now? Watch the telly? Read a book?
Oh hang on, just got to check Facebook….

Slave to the Computer
Check out my other poems here.

A Valentine Adventure

It’s that time again
It comes but once a year
A single day
That fills a man with fear

A fear that is not apparent
Well, not at first anyway
Give it time though, just wait
It only happens late in the day

………………… Oh dear.  Oh my.
I can’t believe I’ve done it again
How did I forget it?
This day can only end in pain

It’s ok, she’s not home yet
There’s still time to save myself
Make a dash to the shops, pick something up
If I don’t, it’s going to be bad for my health

Card and flowers will be enough
I hope there’s still some left to take
Turn the corner, look to the left
All I see is emptiness, for f***’s sake

Damn, she’ll be back soon
Better grab something quick and run
Pick a card, take some choc
Pay at the counter, right I’m done

Arrive home, act normal
Back just in the nick of time

Check the card to make sure
………….’Happy Mothers Day’…………
At least I have the chocolates
Hang on, what does that say?!
Who the hell stacked these shelves
Why would I want a box of chicken satay?!

I think this will not be forgiven
I never did like February much anyway
I hope I’m not the only one to suffer…

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Happy Valentines Day

Check out my other poetry attempts here.

An Ode to Dora

So tell me this
Since you know it all
Why are you so annoying?
Why do you make my skin crawl?

Don’t you understand?
Can you say this two ways?
Fuck off and leave my screen
Go and learn Francais…

I’m sick of you
And all you’re little friends
Helping people and animals
Oh god, when will it end?

And how come
By the way
You’re allowed out
At all times of the day?

What are your parents doing?
Letting you roam round the jungle
The beach or the river
They don’t even moan or mumble

I would do my fucking nut
Wandering off, not saying where
You would be grounded for life
Don’t you dare say that’s not fair!

With all the danger in this world
You can not go out alone
Especially when none of your clothes fit
You, my girl, are staying at home

How you get out without us seeing
Well, it’s a mystery
And no, you can’t have visitors
I’ve never liked that monkey… 

If you carry on, the way you’re going
You’ll end up on the streets or in a van
It won’t be with your friends
But with a dirty old pervert called Stan

Trust me; it’s for your own good
As I really can’t take no more
Who do you think you are?
Some sort of fucking explorer?

Check out my other poems.

Anticipation

Time is running out
There’s so much to do
Lots to get ready
To prepare just for you

Lots of painting for daddy to do
But it’s not the fun kind
Lots of shopping for mummy
She likes that though, you’ll find

Your sister is waiting for you
To enter into this world
She just wants to meet you
Whether you are a boy or a girl

To share her toys and her books
Sophie just wants to play
She has been asking for you
But she can wait a few more days

We’re not perfect parents
To which we will readily say
But we will always try our very best
Until the very last day

Check out my other poems.