Not a morning person.

I am not a morning person.  At all.

So having a child probably wasn’t the best decision if I wanted to keep my lay ins, but nevertheless I thought that this would even out over time.  Namely due to children’s TV.

As my young’un is now over two years old, she takes a keen interest in the TV when we have it on.  Granted, it’s not as much as I’m used to, but adult TV is utter shite if you don’t like reality TV or the unending stream of so called talent shows.  I am not a fan.  I’d prefer to watch reruns of TK Hooker than watch that (which was a rubbish programme too, by the way).  Anyway,  children’s TV…..

The staple viewing of any young child at the moment includes Peppa Pig (see previous posts), Tweenies, Zingzillas, Noddy, the list goes on.

Now, I can tolerate most of the programmes but by the age of two, I was hoping that she would of got into the likes of Spongebob Squarepants, Scooby Doo, etc but I have been banned from showing these to the youngster due to the graphic images, which to some extent I agree with the wife, but that doesn’t stop me being disappointed.  I was looking forward to that bit.  Sitting on the sofa, watching Spongebob………

Ok, not a great image to be setting and I’m sure will be met by tuts from many ‘good parents’.  Whatever.  But something that I don’t agree with is that I can’t watch the Simpsons with her.  What’s wrong with a loving yellow family?  It’s got clowns and everything!  I do, however, turn it over when the cat gets mangled by the mouse, but other than that how can it be  harmful?  Am I wrong?

And while I’m at it, what’s with these presenters?  Justin friggin’ Fletcher is everywhere!!  And if any UK readers watches Milkshake! on Channel 5, please agree with me that it’s time to get rid of Derek.  That inane grin, stupid laugh and always happy.  At that time of the morning, I just want to shoot him…..

 

How do I distract a small child?

Here in the UK, Easter represents chocolate eggs and the children being out of school.  Except in my house, where it represents chocolate eggs and boredom.

As Sophie is not yet in school and has not learnt the immaculate art of ‘playing by yourself’, it’s up to the fortunate parents to entertain.

What the hell do you do to entertain a two year old?

I thought this was a good idea....

 

Ok, for the wife this is an every day occurrence because I spend all day away from the house in the drudgery of work, I don’t get this dilemma.  But now it’s a public holiday.  I’m at home.  Sophie wants to play.

I tried playing football with her, but she called a bad foul and I took the ball inside.
I tried playing hide and seek, but she couldn’t find me laying on the bed watching the TV.
I tried Scrabble – she beat me.
I refuse to dress up as a Princess – I didn’t even think there were any Disney princesses with no hair and a goatee?

Luckily, I have lasted the morning.  She is now having a nap and allowing me some time to write this down and have a sit down.  Problem is, I’m winding down while she is charging up!

What the hell do I do this afternoon?  More to the point, what am I to do all weekend?

The problem I have is that we live 20 miles from the nearest town and neither me or the missus drive, so we are stuck in the middle of nowhere.  It’s not like we can just nip down the pub for a game of pool (although she hustles me!).

Never mind,  I’m sure we’ll survive.  Or I’ll just end up putting the TV on…..

Size of a bean?

Apparently, that’s the best thing to compare my six week old baby to.

Really?  A bean??  Why not, ‘the size of a Lego man’s head?’ or even ‘a chocolate raisin’??

Alright, maybe I’m being a bit pedantic, but I suppose this just highlights the fact that the ‘big news’ hasn’t sunk in yet.

I’m going to be a dad for a second time.  A thought, I feel, that is more worrying than being a dad to one.  There’s so much that you have to do as a new dad, from what I remember, but now I have to do it with another one hanging off my elbow?  Surely, that’s not fair!?

Yes, before you say it, I know lots of people are recruiting their own battalions ‘from within’ but I will not be going that far!  I always said I’d stop at two, preferably one boy and one girl.  Although, ultimately, that isn’t important, just so long as they both realise the importance of football.

I’m guessing, though, that once we actually start telling people of the new addition to the clan, then it will sink in a bit more, and I will be a bit more supportive towards the missus.

I’m still thinking that her ‘weird feelings’ are just trapped wind….