Say What??

As much as you try your best, it’s nigh on impossible to stop the inevetible. 

The good parenting skills that you have stolen, learnt or at least tried can not stop it.  It feels like the world is ganging up on you.

That moment, when your child turns round and swears at you.


You don’t know what to say.  You take a few seconds for it to really sink in.  What did they just say?  Where did they pick that up from?  Hang on, am I going to get the blame for this?  I mean, I am the only one here and she is talking to me; are people going to assume that I spend all the free time we have together teaching my daughter how to swear effectively in different languages?  What do I do?

Your first reaction is tell the child off, tell them that that’s a naughty word and never to say it again.

‘Ok, daddy, I promise’.

Whilst all the time, you know, figuring out when to say it again without being caught.  Or at the very least when it will get daddy in as much trouble as possible.

After the furore has died down, you sit down with you cup of tea and wonder just what happened.  Where has it come from?  I know I for one seldom swear, no hang on, that’s not me I’m thinking of….

Shit.  I mean bugger.  I mean drat.

I thought I hadn’t ever sworn in the presence of a child.  No, I’m sure I haven’t, it must have been someone else.  Mummy maybe.  Or even Nana.  Anybody but me.

Oh god, I’m going to have to tell Mummy what’s happened.



Week 14: First Third and … pee!

So, here we are at Week 14, a third of the way through the pregnancy.

Not to labour (excuse the pun!) a point, but by Christ, ain’t this going fast!  It only seems last week that we found out what was happening!  Although, again, it may still feel a little like a dream and not the real thing but I think I’m beginning to come round.

At this point, apparently, the baby can grimace, frown and squint.  They like to focus on the nicer things in these guides, don’t they!  Although, this does remind us that said child is already practicing the ‘daddy, can  I have’ face and the ‘I’m grumpy so look out’ pout.  Happy days.

We’ve had all the tests and scans now for the time being, and all seems to be going well.  I still don’t enjoy the visits to the hospital, etc, although I haven’t been to one yet where there are two or three screaming women in labour, echoing down the hallway.  Scaring the shit out of me.  Like the last time.

Oh, and for the fruitists among you, it is the size of a grapefruit.  It does not state what kind, I’m sorry.

And before I forget, as Sophie is nearly two and a half, we have long since been into the zone politely called the ‘terrible twos’.  However, we have now entered DefCon 3, the dreaded ‘why?’.  No matter how hard you try to explain, you are immediately hit with a witty retort, ‘why?’.  This is not fun for anyone, ‘why?’.  Please just stop now.


Another excuse…

Dear readers, I apologise once again for the lack of activity on this blog over the last couple of days.  This is mainly because:

1.  I get distracted by a hyperactive child wanting to play all the time; and
2.  I have had intermittent internet connectivity.

Not exactly groundbreaking, but relevant, I feel.  Every time I went to write something I either got within 2 foot of the computer and was dragged away into the garden, or I sat there and it didn’t work.  Not my fault, ‘onest guv’!

Anyway, what a lovely weekend we have had.  If you’re not in the UK then I’m afraid I couldn’t comment on your weather, but over here we have experienced some unseasonal high temperatures.  This has led to every man, woman and dog being dragged outside into the blazing hot sun, just so that they can ressemble a cooked lobster, generally with millions of other people on one strip of beach.

(You may gather here that I am not a sun worshipper.  Being in the position where I no longer require shampoo, I have to take extra precautions leading to me staying indoors)

Nevertheless, Sophie loved being outside and interacted with pretty much the only thing I can do, and that is kick a ball.  I don’t really get into the spirit of ‘tea parties on the lawn’ but I had an excuse that there was sport on the TV.  Dad excuse No 2.

Wherever you were or are, I hope that the weather is good and that you have all had a peaceful weekend.  And if you piled to the seaside in all the traffic, all I can say is;