Day 9 – Photo Challenge

God bless the BBC…

OMG. The Pig is back!

I have voiced my concerns before on this subject.  You may recall.

I have aired my concerns over a certain animated pig and how evil and disruptive I think it is.  I still believe that the message being sent out by one Peppa Pig and her sidekick George, has dastardly intentions set on making other people’s lives a misery.

I still have stains on my carpet due to the incessant nagging of the pig family to jump in muddy puddles.  I have not forgotten.

However, I thought that I had managed to outlive the pig as now the daughter is three, she has moved on to other disruptive influences.  A child that believes she’s a doctor leading me to think that one day I’m going to return home to a living room full of stuffing and dismembered limbs.  Yes, you Doc McStuffins.

Or this boy Jake and his pirates.  Is it really a good message to give young children that a stick is a sword?  Really?  You’ve obviously never been beaten with one.

Don’t get me started on the monkey that lives in the apartment…. jeez…

Anyway, as I say, the pig is back onto my TV screen.  It turns out that the appeal of said pork by-product reaches young boys too.  Yep, my little boy is now watching the dreaded thing.  I only put it on because it gives me five minutes peace.  If it was only five minutes…..  Why do they insist on putting 27 episodes on in one go?  Maybe it’s their break too….

But you know what’s even worse?!  Can you guess?  No?  Well…

What makes it worse is that it is the same episodes as before!  Yes, the years worth of Peppa Pig episodes I had to endure the first time, are back but this time I know what’s coming!  I tell you, if I had hair I’d be ripping it out!!

I’ve got to get him interested in something else.  Too young for Postman Pat, don’t like Fireman Sam and Thomas the Tank Engine will not be on in my house…. Ever.

Bottom

What, wait, you don’t know what Bottom is??! Where have you been, living in a cave?!

Bottom is a fantastically funny BBC sitcom that was on the TV in the 90s. Starring Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall as two housemates sharing a flat in the wonderful area of London that is Hammersmith.

Eddie and Richie are two crude, perverted lunatics, with no jobs, very little money and only a filthy flat in Hammersmith (located at “11, Mafeking Parade”) to their name. The two spend their time coming up with desperate schemes to acquire sex, attacking each other violently, and getting into dodgy situations.

Bottom is considered the most violent example of britcom, examples of violence include teeth being knocked out, heads crushed in fridge doors, fingers being cut off, penises set on fire, legs being chainsawed off, forks shoved in eyes, pencils forced up noses, poison being drunk, legs broken and faces shoved in campfires.

Richie is a clumsy, pompous dimwit who attempts to make himself out as being much higher in social status than he actually is, and is both deranged and desperate, as well as being obsessed with sex. Eddie, a cheerfully violent drunkard, meanwhile spends his time getting drunk and wasting the dole money and secretly steals Richie’s family heirloom, although he occasionally has moments of demented genius. Eddie’s friends—the gormless Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog—both fear Richie, thinking he’s psychotic. Although the pair sometimes venture out (the most common location being the local pub, the Lamb and Flag), many of the episodes are set simply within the confines of the pair’s squalid flat.

The slapstick humour is a particular forte with Rik and Ade, bringing their experience from The Young Ones and the Dangerous Brothers forward expertly.

There were three series aired on television and they took the show on numerous tours around the country, I believe there were five.

This show is a must for any comedy enthusiast. The humour is somewhat 90s but still laugh out loud quality.

Watch it!

Maybe I am a good Father?!

Well, here we are.  It’s Sunday night.

I have managed to make it to the end of the weekend and all three of us are still in one piece.  It’s lucky I don’t have hair otherwise I would have pulled it out.

Actually, I’m quite surprised that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.  The children were actually remarkably well behaved.  There were a few tears and bouts of crying at the beginning, but I was fine after an hour.

There was also a brief sticky moment on the first night when whilst putting the eldest to bed she turns and asks ‘where’s Mummy’.  My first instinct is to reply, ‘she’s run off with the milkman and joined the circus.  She lives in a trailer now’.  But I stopped myself before it was too late, she would never have believed me.

We don’t have a milkman.

The worst of it all was the Saturday.  One whole day of responsibility, what was I going to do?!

Well, I tried my best but in the end I have to thank Disney for it’s help, I couldn’t have done it without them.

I know, I know.  Don’t start. Television is not the answer and does not make a good childcare attendant but hey, I’m inexperienced and somewhat desperate, so I don’t care what you think.  The kids loved it so I’m happy.  It’s not like I sat them in front of the telly and went out for a couple of hours, I was actually in the same room!

Anyway, all things considered I think what I’ll take away from all this is proof.  Proof that I am actually a good daddy and that I can look after my own kids.

Sounds daft to say that, but it’s true, you always have the nagging doubt in the mind that if a situation came around and I had to be a lone parent (only for a day hopefully), would I be able to cope?  I think that I can confidently say that I could do it.  I could be the responsible one.

Ooh, it’s gone all Springer.  ‘My thought for the day…………………….’

 

Devoted Family Man

Ok, so we all know that times are tough.

It’s time to tighten those belts, scrimp on the excess, stop wasting stuff, etc. etc.  It’s difficult though, isn’t it.

It’s not easy giving up those things you enjoy.  You work hard all week to earn money to treat yourself with a little bit of respect and splurge every now and again.  Enjoy the finer things in life that makes you happy.  You don’t do these things every day, just on occasion it’s a nice treat.

Fine.  Ok, I can do that.

Then you stop buying the unnecessary items.  You don’t buy a cd or dvd the day it comes out.  You wait a couple of months until it ends up in the sale section, then you can buy it.  Saved yourself a fiver.

Ok, you get the hint, everybody is skint.

I have just gone through my monthly expenditure in a vain hope of trimming it down.  Not a hope.  In fact I have just added a load as the daughter has started nursery.  Bugger.  Something has to go.

No, no, wait, don’t be too hasty!!  Not my Sky Sports!!  Noooooooooooo!!

A bit dramatic.  But it’s true, as of last night I have relinquished my Sky Sports.  That’s a saving of about £15 a month.  Not bad I thought.

But wait.  There’s an offer on.

……………….

I have Sky Movies!!

Yep, as a devoted father of two and dedicated husband, I have given up my sports package so that the family can sit about all day on their arses and watch films.  And to what end??

I’ve saved £5 a month.

Not a big amount, certainly not as much as if I got rid of Sky altogether (saving me £60 a month!), but it’s those little savings that add up.

No, I don’t believe me either, but hey, I tried.

Rapunzel: Why didn’t you stay in the tower?!

As a rule with most things Disney, I can tolerate the product for a certain amount of time, with most of the DVD’s nowadays laced with jokes and innuendo suited for the adult audience.  And whilst this film is quite funny, it doesn’t half lose its appeal after so many viewings.

Tangled.

Another classic story given the animation makeover.  The story of Rapunzel had escaped me in my own childhood but thanks to this film, I now understand the repeated references I missed over the years.  It is not the story that irks me.  It’s Disney.

Yes, marketing is a big issue in business and you have to make your items attractive to all ages at all times.  But not that much, surely?

It’s a drug.  No, really.  Addicted to watching, sore eyes, inane laughter, wanting to dress up?!  Come on, it’s worse than coffee or LSD!

And for a three year old you can triple the addiction factor.  I have been made to watch that film for what feels like every day for the past year.  As i said, it was funny in places, and that chameleon still makes me smile when I’m off guard, but enough is enough.  Disney has a duty to stop making films so………… needy.  Apparently my daughter has to watch it.

And this has side effects.  We recently had a party at home for the girl’s third birthday.  Can you guess the theme?

Rapunzel.  Those big Disney eyes plastered on posters, banners, table cloths, cups, etc.  Everywhere.

It’s true its not just Disney, but that was the thing on the TV when I popped home for my lunch.  Drives me mad.

If you’d stayed in your tower, they couldn’t have made a bloody film about you!!

Guilty TV Pleasure

I have a confession.  (I seem to be writing that a lot recently)

I have a new guilty pleasure which I am going to share with you.

Every day, and I mean every day, at 5.15pm I watch BBC1.

No, that’s not it. 

I thoroughly enjoy the programme that is scheduled by the BBC, so much so that I congregate in the front room with the wife and two children.  Just like all the family used to crowd around the TV for Bullseye in the olden days.

I’m sure many of you out there will agree with me and do watch it too.

I’m not going to stop watching it and no groups are available for this addiction.

I urge one and all to watch this awesome programme.  It is suitable for all ages and will make you laugh.  I guarantee you will like it (this is not a law abiding guarantee and compensation will be given if you do or do not snort your tea out of your nose.  Terms and conditions apply).

That is all.

Related articles

• Tweets of the Week: Quizzes of the week (slouchingtowardstv.com)
• Pointless (debievans.wordpress.com)

How do you entertain a child when you’d rather watch the football?!

It’s Saturday afternoon.

The weather isn’t great so most of the day is to be spent indoors.

Fine, I think there’s football on the telly later, I’ll just waste the morning until then.

No.

Not going to happen.

The problem with having any plans of your own is that you will never get to carry them out. This is when you have children, obviously.

Every weekend I struggle to think of anything to keep the daughter happy whilst retaining my sanity.  There is only so much Cbeebies any person can take, and as I’ve been warned before, the television is no substitute or babysitter.

But it sure does come in handy.

Not being able to drive and living in the middle of nowhere doesn’t help either.  I mean, if I lived in the town, I could introduce the child to life.  The different types of people who mill about the shops, how to avoid being ripped off by the local market traders and maybe how to play pool in the pub.

Another avenue is to help play with the toys.  As a grown mature (!) 30 year old, I find it particularly ridiculous that I have to sit on the floor playing with fairies, dolls, ponies, anything covered in soddin’ glitter or Peppa bleedin’ Pig related paraphernalia

I don’t mind the odd game of something but once you’ve started you’re hooked in for the day.  I have been playing with Play Doh for most of the morning, making sure she doesn’t eat the stuff, which just happened to have a princess theme.  Which is fine, but because of my condition, I can’t entertain the idea of mixing the colours.  It just gets messy.  So if that’s the case, what’s the point?

It doesn’t help that the attention span is no longer than that of your common gnat.  No sooner have you got something out of the box, they’ve moved on.  I suppose I only mention this to vent to you, dear readers, my disappointment of missing the football this afternoon.

I know I’m not going to get to see it.  As much as I try my hardest to escape this world of pink, sparkly, glittery stuff.

Help.

.

 

Childhood Cartoons: What It Says About You

http://www.sabotagetimes.com/funny/what-your-favourite-childhood-cartoon-says-about-you/

What does your favourite cartoon say about you?

Why Can’t I Get Up In The Morning?

Now this is a problem.  A significant problem.

It’s been a month now since the boy joined our family, and I still haven’t figured out a routine.

I need to get into work for about 7.30am, for this to happen I need to get out of bed at a reasonable time (this is not happening), sort out breakfast for myself and the daughter.  At the same time assist the wife in feeding, changing and preparing the boy for the day.  Doesn’t sound difficult, does it?!

Then why can I not do it?

I know it’s not going to be an overnight change, I mean this is the first couple of weeks where I have had to go to work since the new addition, so there was always going to be a bit of a period to figure it out.

But, it’s not happening.  I end up waking at about 7, turn over and put the TV on cbeebies for when the daughter rises and joins us in the bedroom.  This is where problem number one starts.  Why is children’s tv so compelling?  Why am I stuck there watching Chuggington?  I mean, a cartoon about trains learning to be trains, from what I understand.  Then there’s the Octonauts.  Which is just down right weird.

Anyway, by the time I get bored of these programmes, it’s 8.15am. Bugger.
I’m late as usual.

I need to make sure I am up and out of bed before I turn the TV on, that way I won’t get sucked into it.  Mind you, that also depends on me not turning them on downstairs whilst eating my breakfast.

Can someone please help me, I need to break the routine but can’t!  I am being overrun by children and their television!  I’m thirty years old for gawd’s sake!

It’s lucky, really, that my job are understanding and recognise the seriousness of my problem.  Cbeebies syndrome is a serious disease…